“Can’t You See” by Deafilosophy

As the video says, this is about life and what makes me hurt.  It was recorded in a basement session that I just hit record on. Forgive the lack of editing and raw nature of the audio but I think it matters when it is just from within.  From the people ill never meet who deserve better to the tiny dancer right here at home, I love everyone and we can do this.  We CAN change the world, you just have to dream.
Thanks for watching



EDIT: Yes I know the gay marriage was upheld by the SCOTUS earlier today but this was recorded earlier…

Saying Goodbye Instead of See You Later

We, as social animals, do not typically enjoy saying goodbye. I have never met anyone who was excited to say goodbye to someone they love. What makes this inevitable event more bearable is the fact that we will be able to see them again. What happens though, when this promise of reunion is taken away? A religious person never truly experiences the feeling of losing someone with no hope of ever seeing them again, but for an atheist, losing someone to death is a very final thing.


Since embracing my atheism, letting go of the delusion that my deceased loved ones are: “watching over me” or are “up in heaven talking to Jesus” has been the biggest struggle. It is a reality, however, that I was ok to accept in theory. Recently though, my willingness to accept a harsh reality over a kinder lie has been put to the test.


On May 13th, 2015, my dad died due to lung cancer. He had only been diagnosed about 3 months earlier, so it happened pretty quickly. My relationship with my father was not your typical father-daughter relationship, I was raised by my grandparents and did not even know who my father was until I was 13. At that time, we began writing letters. I still have every letter that he ever sent me. When we were able, we spent quite a bit of time together. Being around him when he was sober, was a very enjoyable experience. For a while though, I did not see him, he was addicted to drugs and alcohol and I refused to bear witness to him stumbling all over himself. After he was diagnosed, I had a choice to make. I could have stayed away and then losing him would have been much easier. It still would have hurt, but not near as severely as it does now. I decided that I wanted to reestablish our relationship. I wanted to use the time that was left to get a better understanding of who exactly my father was underneath the drugs and addiction. Some (including myself) may think that is was a stupid thing to do. In a way, it was setting myself up for a fall. I felt that it was the right thing for me to do though.
Continue reading “Saying Goodbye Instead of See You Later”

5 Simple Tips to Overcome Guilt

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves – at what we did or did not do.”
~Peter McWilliams


Guilt is an emotional warning sign that serves to let us know when we’ve done something wrong.

It’s a self-policing mechanism that we all have.

It helps us to improve our behavior, act in the best interest of society, and avoid making the same mistake twice.

But it can also steal our joy, make us feel miserable, and keep us in a negative mindset.

It can undermine our self-esteem and prevent us from having fulfilling relationships.

Most of us do an amazing job every day – either at work or at home – but still feel plagued by guilt.

How can we overcome these feelings?  How can we determine what feelings are important and beneficial to us, and which ones are not?


5 Simple Tips to Overcome Guilt

1) Determine if your guilt is healthy

It takes some self-examination to figure out what you’re feeling guilty about.

Healthy guilt is very beneficial to keeping meaningful relationships.  It prevents us from taking action that could hurt others.

It’s completely rational to feel guilty after saying something hurtful to someone or spending too much time at work instead of with your family.

This guilt is healthy and serves to warn you that either your thoughts, behavior, or morals need to change.

On the other hand, feeling guilty over the actions of others, or when there’s nothing to feel guilty about is not healthy.

As an introvert, I used to feel guilty when I needed to spend some time alone.  This wasn’t me being anti-social, I just needed time to relax and recharge a little.
Continue reading “5 Simple Tips to Overcome Guilt”

Personal Journey Series: My Atheist Testimony

I get a lot of messages, most of which are asking about my deconversion from christianity. People want to know why I left, what it meant to me when I was a christian, and why I don’t see any reason to return. For anyone who has asked, and anyone else who is curious, here is my testimony.


I started life as an atheist. My parents, who were both raised as catholics, never felt the need to force religion or god upon me. I have never seen my mother or father as being faithful. As an adult I have come to know my dad is an atheist and my mother is (basically) a pantheist. My mum and dad were both followers of a man called Prem Rawat (Maharaji), an Indian guru with millions of followers world-wide who preaches peace and love. Many consider him to be a new messiah (he does not claim this himself). My parents often encouraged me to embrace the messages / teachings of Maharaji throughout my childhood and teenage years, but I never connected.


What I did connect with, though, was christianity. At age 6 my mum enrolled me into two christian institutions; the nearby lutheran church Sunday school and the local Girls Brigade company (pic below). Her only motivation for doing this was free childcare. She and my dad had divorced when I was 5 and my mum was working full time – the church offered what was ultimately cheap babysitting. For me though, it would start me on a path that would consume my existence for the next 15 years.
Continue reading “Personal Journey Series: My Atheist Testimony”

“I Loved My Wife But I Wished She Would Die”

“I Loved My Wife But I Wished She Would Die”
Originally Written By: John La Grange
Read By: Christopher Tanner
Find It: http://www.zocalopublicsquare.org/2014/11/17/i-loved-my-wife-but-i-wished-she-would-die/ideas/nexus/

This is the last letter read at the end of the Death With Dignity show. If you like the letter please click above and leave a comment. Also check out the full video here.

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Personal Thoughts on Brittany Maynard and Respect

Brittany Maynard’s Decision

Brittany Maynard chose to end her life by way of assisted suicide on Saturday November 1, 2014. This is a well-known story, a story I’m sure we’ve all heard about and probably had feelings on. So why am I writing about it now?

There are a few reasons why I felt the need to put my two cents worth in. This story touched me deeply. She was an incredibly strong woman, in my eyes. She chose to die with dignity rather than letting her illness take her, slowly and with great suffering. It should have stopped there. This story should have passed away with her and allowed her family their time to grieve and remember the person that she was. However, there were numerous comments posted by many Christians (and I’m sure other faiths) that said she was Damned, she was going to Hell, she was a coward.

This upset me a lot. Probably more than it should have. After all, I never met her. First off, most, if not all, of these commenters didn’t know her either. They took this moment in this woman’s life and death to spread their religion, of which they have zero proof. Zero. “How can you take your own life? God will damn you to Hell! God had a plan for you and you ruined it!”
This got me thinking. When would it be acceptable to do this in these Christians’ eyes? I thought to September 11, 2001, and watching, horrified and helpless, as people threw themselves from over 100 stories to their deaths. How many comments about those poor people? Any? As they were falling did these Christians yell out, “You’re going to Hell, ya know! God had a plan and you bailed.” I doubt it.
Continue reading “Personal Thoughts on Brittany Maynard and Respect”

When will Humanity De-stigmatize Suicide?

Robin Williams is one of my favorite actors of all time. I usually do not get sad when a celebrity dies, due to the lack of a personal connection. Williams’ death stung a bit more than I expected. I didn’t know him personally, only through his movies and whatever else you can find on YouTube. My favorite stuff is what he did live, like when he was on Inside the Actor’s Studio. James Lipton just let him go and I don’t know who was happier about it, Williams or the audience. Multiple times he thanked the audience and James Lipton for letting him perform. There are two reasons why his death stung so much: he was an amazing human being and the fact that it was suicide. Shock was my first response, as I am sure many others can relate to, but the shock wore off rather quickly. Everyone has a “spark of madness” according to Williams, which is a good thing in many ways. Williams had more than a spark though, and I think he would agree that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. His death caused quite the stir when it happened; that is what happens though, when someone is loved by hundreds of millions of people worldwide. When he died, there were people who laughed as they watched his movies again, people who cried because he would not make any more, and there were people who condemned him because he committed suicide. His death makes me wonder, when will humanity destigmatize suicide?


Continue reading “When will Humanity De-stigmatize Suicide?”